Dear Hipsters

What is with the banana bangs and mullets? I am from Appalachia. Salon ladies kept trying to give me banana bangs and mullets well through 2002. It is not far gone enough to be retro; please stop.

Also, rattails on boys just makes me feel like I'm back at middle school in tobacco country in 1997. I'm just saying I would have chosen to retrocycle through the thirties, forties, and fifties another couple of times before everyone I saw at the coffeeshops made me feel faintly thirteen again.

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