Fandom is important.

[sapote]

The freckly, awkward teenage boy who I sat next to on the bus - okay, he's a senior, but they all look like teenagers these days - struck up conversation which was awkward and which I kind of wished to escape all bus ride. (I had Pride and Prejudice on tape! I was at a good part!)

I am sensitive to the critique that as women in the public space, we have a right not to be bothered. I also remember how bad undergrad could be on a social level - how sometimes I could go three or four days without speaking to someone outside of class; how the various complex operations of maintaining acquaintanceships and friendships were outside my abilities for a while. I remember back when it was actual homework from my therapist to make small talk with someone sometime during the day, and how 1) I was usually proud when I accomplished it 2) I was usually beset with gnawing anxiety that I hadn't gotten it right. And I can see now, from the outside, that I probably hadn't - I was uneasy with people, rigid, a little formal, very much Mr. Darcy at the ball. So I felt for the kid, even as I made my escape post-bus ride.

So this was going to be a private note of what-I-did-today behind friendslock, but I want to thank fandom, and the friends I met through it, for helping me build the skills that mean that while I am still a giant, giant dork, I can often get through a conversation and be cheerful, warm, silly, and reasonably open with the people around me. For a long time I was kind of consumed with being serious business all the time; I was determined not to be frivolous, capitalistic, bourgeoise, or girly, and it ate my life. Fandom taught me that it was okay to be all of the above sometimes, and that helped more than I think I knew at the time.

That's all. Thanks, fandom! You are important, and I like you.

Comments

[toft]

<3

[sapote]

<3