(no subject)

[sapote]

To hell with it, I'm writing this.



So chances are, you weren't born a Unitarian. Sure, maybe if your parents were nerdy misfits who read a lot, some copies of A Chosen Faith fell into your hands, but for the most part, you wander into a Unitarian church when you're fifteen or thirty. And for the a while, there's a honeymoon phase: You've found your home. Finally, you're free to be yourself! Plus, it's so queer-friendly! You're intimidated by the people who are on every committee and plan every sermon, sure, but you're Going to Get Involved and you're happy as a clam. You mourn all the years you didn't know that Unitarianism existed.

But one day - as you hold your copy of Singing the Living Tradition and reflect on how Unitarian singing sounds like a herd of tiny dying cows - you hear the rumblings of drama on the horizon.

The chair of the ministry committee is annoyed at the co-chair of the outreach committee. The church listserv gets passive-aggressive. There's a bit of a chill at coffee hour. It passes, but somewhere in your brain a tiny voice is going I thought we were all supposed to get along!. And if you are older, and have done this before, the SMALL GROUP POLITICS alarm is going off.

So sure, you proceed with more caution, try not to complain about grounds and facilities in the grounds and facilities committee's hearing, and notice that you've started gritting your teeth when the same guy keeps turning every discussion into MY THOUGHTS ON HIERARCHICAL DECISION-MAKING: LET ME SHOW YOU THEM. Someone is always upset about everything - the social justice committee decides to start a food pantry project, and they didn't invite the woman who used to sort the cans for the Thanksgiving can drive in 1994, and she is HURT even though invitations were open for months. And the outreach committee is overreaching! And that man won't shut up about how he needs a completely diety-free worship experience and will storm out if anyone says anything rhyming with "jebus" at church, and the Chair of the Covenant of U.U. Pagans is pissed off because no one came to Lughnasadh because someone scheduled an airing of Sicko in the Sunday School room for the same night. Eventually some key member of the ministry committee gets fed up and removes herself from the list of Friends of the Fellowship.

And when you give your This I Believe address, two people compliment you, while some other woman's gets a crowd of hangers-on and a bouquet, which, not fair at all.

And then there are mornings when the sunlight is coming in the high skylights, and the guest speaker is actually good, and you've hit on one of the three songs Unitarians can actually sing. And you look around at your little band of religious misfits - the friends you've made, the work you've done, the way this place changes your view of the world a little every time - and you think, okay. It's okay. This is what community means. And the drama passes, and the meditation garden gets built even though half the grounds committee resigned in a huff, and it's good to be a Unitarian. The wank-storms pass by, but you've learned to stay out of them, like the ninety percent of the congregation that just wants to drink some coffee and talk about Emerson. And man, do you ever like talking about Emerson. So you stay, and the next time there's a drama explosion and people are shocked, SHOCKED, you totally find the humor in it.

/crazed ramblings, there's only one person on my flist who will think this is funny, but it's been rattling around in my brain for months.

--
No, I do not belong to a cult. I belong to this herd of cats, and I love them dearly, and this is meant as good-natured poking of fun. It's just, the degree to which Unitarians are just like the internet never fails to amaze me. If I ever become part of an academic department, I'm pretty sure that will look awfully familiar too.

Comments

[giandujakiss.livejournal.com]

It's just, the degree to which Unitarians are just like the internet never fails to amaze me. If I ever become part of an academic department, I'm pretty sure that will look awfully familiar too.

I think the umbrella term you're looking for is "humanity."

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Hah, you're completely right, it's just the way that the exact tone of the argument (FOUCAULT SAYS YOU'RE WRONG! KISSES!) is so reminiscent. Also, I hear Jehovah's Witnesses don't have these problems, but I bet they're lying.

Human beings: their bickering means they totally sekretly love each other, y/n?

[giandujakiss.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's reminiscent, because I think it's just group dynamics - people are involved in something and it's important to them, their membership and placement in the group is important to their identity, and things that look petty from the outside are an important part of their sense of self from the inside.

Yes, I have every confidence that the Witnesses are lying. This is people.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

I actually kind of disagree, because there seem to be people in the world who make rules and stick to them, like a hierarchy and follow it, have a way of doing things and don't feel the need to turn it upside down and disassemble its implications every five minutes. They might complain the whole time, mind, but they keep on keeping on. But the internet has that whiff of the anarchist spirit about it, and also, a higher-than-average ratio of people who like theory, ime. But the small-group politics wank, yes, I agree that that's a human constant.

[giandujakiss.livejournal.com]

I have never seen a hierarchy where people stuck to it. I mean, I guess there's a difference between groups where there's no formal hierarchical structure, or only a loose one, so that you invite a free for all, and ones where there's a hierarchy and always has been - but even in the latter groups, you see constant jockeying for movement within the hierarchy itself, and the same kind of pettiness. I mean, I see it in businesses, particular ones where the work is pretty absorbing so that people are very invested.

[revbiscuit.livejournal.com]

I love it. It sounds very Anglican actually. So refreshing when compared with all the fire and brimstone to which I was subjected as a child. I think these things go some way to reassuring you that life's ok really, and that we'll probably be all right despite the multinationals and those with body parts in their cellars.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

::nods:: sometimes I feel like it's people's untidyness that will save the day. ("You! Participate in our corporatocracy!" "Meh, I don't feel like it." ::wanders away::)

And yes, we are very Anglican - or rather, the last resort of godless Episcopalians, though, man, they know how to run a service much more efficiently. Sit, stand, kneel, shake hands, go home. It's just outside of service that they seem to break out in drama *g*

I'm always surprised that other countries have fire and brimstone - I'm from the U.S. South! Everyone always tells me this is a local problem!

[revbiscuit.livejournal.com]

No, no. Not a local thing at all. In Europe we have a long tradition of fanatical righteousness. In Italy for example everyone is catholic, and that lot can get a bit fundamentalist when they put their minds to it. But then I came here, and it's all a bit more - how can I say it - relaxed (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVjKlBCvhg&feature=related).

I think you're getting confused with the fact that in the US south they can still get a bit agitated about this sort of thing, if national stereotypes are anything to be believed. ;-)

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

so wait - they're fanatics, they just don't get worked up about it? This is fascinating. And yes, right now religion completely shapes our political life, but you probably know that. Growing up I was that One Kid who didn't know Jesus, and people used to devote my entire schoolbus ride to trying to save me. So I thwarted them by becoming an agnostic avid churchgoer? I guess?

And hah, yes, I've seen that Eddie Izzard before, though never with the Legos! That's brilliant! Especially cited by Northern Episcopalians in the U.S. (the white wine and chicken part especially), or by Lutherans trying to establish that they're more hardcore than Episcopalians. (The Lutheran question: GUILT OR MORE GUILT, I am told.)

[nimnod.livejournal.com]

Soooo confused =)

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Rantings about church politics? Everyone understands those, right? *g* sorry to be so exclusionary to the secularists among us. (This thing is full of Unitarian-specific references, which, if you're curious I can totally explain, but it's also interesting to me because of it's like fandom language no one outside fandom understands. In short: subcultures!)

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

*g* I have a friend who's a UU and very active with it. He loves to tell me stories of wacky shenanigans from it. (Y'all apparently have committees for everything, yes?)

I know just enough about it to not get the specific references, but yes, so much like fandom. (I'm currently reading Textual Poachers, and am seeing elements of the fannish subculture everywhere.)

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

if phnelt ever wakes up, maybe I can get her to tell you about the Committee for Broad-Based Environmental Aesthetics, or whatever. I.e. the streamers-and-balloons team.

It's the mix of academia with a tinge of antiauthoritarianism that really makes for the fun, I think.

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

Committee for Broad-Based Environmental Aesthetics

...*boggles*.

The whole Nerds Without Supervision thing. It always ends in hijinks.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Seriously. Have you ever seen a committee in charge of putting out coffee and cookies once a week turn into a massive seminar on ecology, social justice, international politics, the history of North/South economic relations, and the relative merits of, versus class-based arguments against, organic food?

I totally have. And the thing is, I seem to enjoy it.

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

So basically, you + MetaFandom=OTP 4EVA.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Everyone's getting all worked up over politicizing fandom and I'm all o_O guys, for most of my childhood, I've politicized breakfast cereal. This is nothing.

I love metafandom, but I wish people seemed like they were having fun. Because: when I do this kind of thing? I'm having fun.

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

I've politicized breakfast cereal.

See, now I'm not even sure that you're exaggerating for humorous effect.

But I have noticed that a lot of the people over at metafandom don't seem to be having fun. And if you're going to be arguing over what to call slash or something...you're splitting hairs over porn labels. That should be fun...or else go read the porn some more and remember why it's fun.

Although, maybe it's just me but lately (at least before the recent burst of OTW stuff), metafandom was dealing with way more serious stuff like racism, and there is no fun to be had in discussions like that.

in which I expose my personal foibles

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

What does breakfast cereal say about our class structure? About our expectations of domestic work and our relationship towards nature? Who harvested the wheat? What's in the artificial flavorings? This is all linked to the Spanish Conquest, you realize. ::facepalm::

It's actually pretty awful of me to find racism discussions fun, but for me there is an element there of picking apart the world and figuring out how it works - and also, that quintessential American idea that if we just try hard enough we can do better at this whole living-in-the-world thing. I'm always a sucker for reformist urges. I don't blame people who don't want their squee harshed, though.

Re: in which I expose my personal foibles

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

What does breakfast cereal say about our class structure?

ILU. That's just...dude. I am so going to thinking more about my breakfast cereal from here on out and I blame you for it!

I'm always a sucker for reformist urges. I don't blame people who don't want their squee harshed, though.

For me, it's like I have a finite amount of ability to get worked up about things that I find frustrating about the world but that I can't change, on any given day. Some days, that gets totally used up at school and work. And those days, all I want from fandom is pretty boys kissing. But even when I don't have the emotional fortitude for the important stuff, I'm glad that other people do, you know?

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

It was a big conference! There needed to be biodegradable streamers! This was perfectly reasonable. I mean, until the decorations committee decided I was spending more time with the food committee (that committee was very needy, it's hard to cater for people with every allergy and dietary restriction ever devised) and started you know, acting up. We ended up having to divide that committee into several sub-committees--and I'm not making this sound very sane at all.

I swear it made sense at the time?

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

and I'm not making this sound very sane at all.

Um. Wow. I thought my friend was exaggerating the committees and the talking of things to death. It would appear he *drastically* understated them.

Also, "it made sense at the time" is trumped only "what could *possibly* go wrong?" as an indication of Danger: Potential Shenanigans Afoot.

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Also, "it made sense at the time" is trumped only "what could *possibly* go wrong?" as an indication of Danger: Potential Shenanigans Afoot.

Heh. So true. Should I be worried that those two lines are pretty much my explanation for everything?

The committees and talking things to death cannot really be overstated. Committees are created to discuss committees or in response to them or in preparation for new ones. And even if the committee is lucky enough to have a chair and not be run consensus style, no decision is ever final and nothing can ever be fully discussed enough. sigh.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Seriously, people tell me that in a Baptist church? The minister says to make coffee and you make coffee.

And if you don't like it, you go found another Baptist church.

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

No way. You paint a far too idyllic portrait for me to be able to accept it. Real church people can't possibly work like this, only utopian visions.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

I look at that and I go "what is the fun in that?". I like churchwank: it makes us antiauthoritarian and scrappy!

But I totally want to have, you know, the first, second, and third UU church on this road, each with twelve members who won't talk to the people next door. Because that is how the Bible Belt parties down.

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

Should I be worried that those two lines are pretty much my explanation for everything?

Considering how often I use them, there cannot possibly be consequences. Plus, in nerdish company you can always mix it up and say you have a bad feeling about something.

And even if the committee is lucky enough to have a chair and not be run consensus style, no decision is ever final and nothing can ever be fully discussed enough.

And my friend tells me these stories in response to mine about an employee training program I used to help run. And once we had too many earnest and "helpful" opinions from the 20 year olds we were training...I would order them all to shut up and declare martial law in regards to ordering lunch/dinner or what have you. Because well...once allergies and dietary restrictions had been ruled out, I did not *care* what people wanted. Which was I always got stuck doing that stuff...

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Nerdish company is the best because you do get to use that line.

I would order them all to shut up and declare martial law
What makes the whole Unitarian committee thing so...invigorating and quirky is that the final option is lost. The moment I did something like that I'd be ripped from the committee, and I wouldn't have been on it if I didn't actually care that things got done. So, you know, frustrating. It's either that or I'm a glutton for punishment.

*fails at timely replies*

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

What makes the whole Unitarian committee thing so...invigorating and quirky is that the final option is lost.

That is one of the things I enjoy about LJ (and ok, sometimes it's enjoyment with a side of eyeroll!), that there's time and space to endlessly hash stuff like this out. I don't always have the patience to do it, but I appreciate that other people do. I'm never the one to participate in the discussion from start to finish...but I like to read along while other people do. (Apparently my user name is more accurate than I ever dreamed. Huh.)

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Singing the Living Tradition and reflect on how Unitarian singing sounds like a herd of tiny dying cows

Has your church ever done spirit of life? Because that's one I feel is a UU universal singable.

Anyway, this was awesome and I have been given to understand that Academia is just like church, with the correct presence of coffee fused to hands and everything.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Really? You don't all crack on "blow in the wind, rise in the sea?". We always crack like boys on that one. We can do a mean "we'll build a land", though. And "Come, come, whoever you are," though we don't break that one out nearly often enough. We had a guest speaker who was all RUMI/SHAMS OTP 4EVER the other week, though, and we broke it out for that.

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Come, come whoever you are is my favourite! (Well that and Come sing a song with me, or whatever the hell it's called, but that's mostly for childhood fondness) but you have to admit, that one's more dirty than spirit of life. I don't know if I've ever done we'll build a land. Possibly is too dominating/manifest destiny for us? Sometimes you have to ration the best song so people don't get bored.

I have no idea how your service is structured, but we sang the same song after silent meditation (this would be spirit of life). Did you do that?

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Yeah, "we'll build a land" is MLK jr. quoting Isiah (it's almost the same phrasing that's on the fountain (http://prelectur.stanford.edu/lecturers/lin/images/3_15.jpg) outside the Southern Poverty Law Center's new, bomb-proof headquarters). I never thought before about what a quintessentially American song it is - not just manifest destiny but the fondess for utopian projects, I think.

I love your icon. You've got a new batch!

The church I grew up in had a sit stand sing meditate preach meditate sing structure - we always sang that may all love surround you song at the end, and "Gather here" at the beginning of the R.E. meeting time. The church I'm in now has rather less structure than that - the only thing we sing every time is "Go now in peace" song when the kids leave for RE, which the kids have helpfully subtitled "the don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-butt-on-the-way-out song."

It's totally more dirty. Rumi just wants you to have a good time! (God-wise.)

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Just like deck the halls is about an orgy, come come whoever you are is about connecting with like... minds.

I like to switch them out every once in a while. Like this one!

I mean, I've never heard the song and just from the title I thought it was too American for us, possibly.

Which Gather Here are you talking about? There are several. And it seems like Go Now in Peace is a universal.

So my church did chalice, welcome/announcements, candles of care and concern, hymn children, sermon, word meditation, silent meditation, music meditation, offering, COFFEE. Well, the end always sort of devolved into a list of stuff that probably should have been inthe announcements but that they want to spring on your now.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, it totally is. Tis the season to be jolly, if you know what I mean. Put your yule log in my hearth, baby! (Between that and the Ayn Rand, I totally need my internets confiscated).

Rumi was all about connecting with like minds. (Seriously. Rumi/Shams OTP, I do not even care if their love is purely spiritual, it apparently made my roommate cry).

Gather here in the mystery of the hour ::looks:: Number 389. It's also the only one I still know the whole way through in ASL.

We do coffee first, because we have our priorities straight (and there's usually enough snack to count as breakfast, YAY for small-town churches), and then - ::thinks:: chalice lighting, welcome, and then we recite the principles together, which never fails to freak me out. We sing, we do joys and concerns, we meditate, the lady with the electronic keyboard plays something tinkley, we sing the kids out, we do offering, and then our speaker talks. And then we argue with him/her. Then, we break for lunch.

I wish we had, like, a closing song, but Talkback (designated arguing time) is pretty awesome. Except for when it's a source of congregational-politics wank.

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

sing we joyous all together.And in madrigals, the fa lala is the censoring, so I think you know what that means. Gah, the Ayn Rand, why did you have to revive the horror (the horror!).

I will never be able to look at Rumi the same again. How many things have you ruined for me? God, Rumi, the list is endless. Never change.

Gather here in one strong body, you mean? Spirit draw near you mean? Can I add church to the list of things ruined for me.

We don't recite the principles. None of my churches did. Which is probably why I only remember the first and the last one. Let's see: We the unitarian mumble mumble inherent worth and dignity mumble mumble respect the interconnected web of life of which we are all a part. I think it's hilarious that that one got on the list because of the stonewalling campaign of the pagans to pass the principles in the 70s. Good times.

See, we get a cup of coffee first so that we are alert for hte service, and then we merge coffee/lunch/cookies with Talkback, I guess and just sort of mill for two hours getting more and more jittery.

I forgot our closing song! We hold hands and sway while singing carry the flame. Ah, that is guaranteed to really freak out the first timers. I don't sway.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

I miss handholding! The congregation in my family's town holds hands and sings Shalom Havareem after every service, which: they're a very political group, so it's usually an affirmation that whatever intellectual brawling has been going on all service, they're totally still buddies. There is meaningful eye contact. It is adorable.

I would totally be a swayer if I could find anyone else to sway. I mean, I'm from YRUU. We boogied.

Hey. Re: gather here, NO. I did not start it this time. But again, it's a YRUU hymn, how many YRUUs does it take to screw in a lightbulb, heavy sigh.

We the members of the Unitarian Universalist Congregations something something covenant to affirm and promote - actually, what we recite is the one that has, like "to dwell in harmony with one another, seeking knowledge in freedom" - so that's the covenant, not the principles, yeah? Either way, I'd rather mix it up a little. Do some responsive readings. The Adrienne Rich one about covert gay sex in alleys, I like that one.

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

I need this responsive reading. Dammit, where's my singing the living tradition (hilarity the one time it was printed in the order of service as singin' the livin' tradition, that right there is the kind of thrilling tale I am a party to)?

I sort of get forcibly swayed by the fact that everyone around me is doing it and I have to if I don't want to cause a collision.

I totally don't know the dwelling one. You know, you join up too early and you miss all of the pamphlets and explanations of the faith.

The new church I'm going to seems to be very politically active. I'm looking forward to us all chaining ourselves to something. Your church sounds very close knit though. Is it a fairly small congregation?

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Forty people. Close knit and wanky. I love them off and on (right now it's on) - I mean, these are the people that taught me to drive, and fed me dinner weekly the whole way through college. Awesome folks. But also, srs wank.

Here (http://www.lsunitarians.org/uuism.html) is the covenant, more or less - I've never met a Unitarian who didn't chop up every text that came her/his way and substitute something new. Doctrinal fanfiction?

I am also looking forward to you all chaining yourselves to something. Send photos! (ETA: I meant that in an innocently political way, but now that we're carrying on about "decking" the "halls" I'm getting worried)

It's by Audre Lorde (http://thetalkingpeoplepodcast.blogspot.com/2007/11/poems-litany-for-survival-by-audre.html), my bad. Here's the uncut version. Seriously. Doorways. Unfortunately, they didn't leave that part in the reading, but it's still seriously my favorite in the book.

You should do homework! Also, if this carries on, we might need a new thread.

I've been telling lurkmuch scurrilous lies about your time on the Ambience and Non-denominational Feng Shui and Streamers Committee upthread. Feel free to tell her that I'm making things up!

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Right...you innocently are looking forward to my theoretical group bondage. I knew it all along.

Your congregation sounds fabulous. 40 people is just the right amount where everyone actually knows each other and therefore can be offended by everyone.

Unitarians are pro at the edit. I continue to hear songs about Jesus that I remember from my childhood as totally being about the general life force and such. It's always a fun time.

I think in order to set up a new thread we'd have to set up a committee that meets weekly, led consensus style.

I will go up and see what lies you are telling people about me!

[phnelt.livejournal.com]

Also, I did do my homework! (sort of) Well, I finished part. This counts.

[morganlefae.livejournal.com]

Awesome. I loved this post. I really loved this post.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Ahah, I'm glad people are enjoying this. (Way more response than I expected!)

[synecdochic]

hee hee hee hee HEE

(more than one person! i was a religious studies major! i was dating a seminary student!)

A friend of mine once said, "I'm raising my kids Unitarian. They're a little fuzzy on who, exactly, Jesus was, but they know they should be nice to trees. And I'm perfectly okay with this."

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Hah, yes, this is way more response than I expected!

And dude, that is my adolescence. "Jesus ...was a guy. Who wants to talk about NAFTA?" I, too, find this an acceptable position.

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

This has almost persuaded me to look into Unitarianism.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

It can be a fun time!
Sort of strange, when you realize that you go to church once weekly to agree that you still have no idea about that religion thing. but fun.

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

Yes, but you can talk about not getting it!
It does sound fun.

[counteragent.livejournal.com]

This post is darling and I don't mean that condescendingly.